Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
