Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
