I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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