So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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