Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my being single is dangerous.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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