If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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