Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
