Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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