um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
