I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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