Swine flu. Run for my life!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
