so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
