New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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