so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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