dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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