and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
