My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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