Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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