I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
