watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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