My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
