You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
