worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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