Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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