Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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