I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
