So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
