Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I bet he comes in French.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
