addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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