He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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