as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism