yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Drake has all the answers
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
