11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry