Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive. http://tfl.nu/9k83
  Replies (22) Good night (1043) Bad night (5544)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it. http://tfl.nu/h8bb
  Replies (7) Good night (789) Bad night (3171)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius! http://tfl.nu/2kph
  Replies (259) Good night (5129) Bad night (4998)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

  (1-914): View more from New York

  It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk (1-914): It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you http://tfl.nu/bgwq
  Replies (55) Good night (8736) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up http://tfl.nu/yev0
  Replies (9) Good night (5093) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9... http://tfl.nu/1jeo
  Replies (2) Good night (3356) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip. http://tfl.nu/pvxn
  Replies (7) Good night (2089) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation http://tfl.nu/ct0r
  Replies (16) Good night (2662) Bad night (1364)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life. http://tfl.nu/df5q
  Replies (11) Good night (1072) Bad night (3194)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better. http://tfl.nu/6a1r
  Replies (2) Good night (1207) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today.. http://tfl.nu/chp9
  Replies (1) Good night (736) Bad night (1934)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month. http://tfl.nu/ayye
  Replies (19) Good night (1682) Bad night (1285)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.

  (989): View more from Michigan

  this is the most serious roommate agreement ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way. (989): this is the most serious roommate agreement ever http://tfl.nu/m5zb
  Replies (5) Good night (1494) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest. http://tfl.nu/hwpt
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here". http://tfl.nu/5x82
  Replies (2) Good night (544) Bad night (251)

Randomize