Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line

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(519): who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line http://tfl.nu/dt51

Replies (19) Good night (4283) Bad night (719)
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(214): View more from Texas

I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.

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(214): I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution. http://tfl.nu/bahd

Replies (12) Good night (745) Bad night (4010)
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(540): View more from Virginia

so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...

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(540): so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it... http://tfl.nu/rkx1

Replies (66) Good night (1533) Bad night (7246)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.

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(201): The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me. http://tfl.nu/x7ng

Replies (9) Good night (3584) Bad night (764)
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(850): View more from Florida

OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.

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(850): OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you. http://tfl.nu/hptp

Replies (11) Good night (1014) Bad night (3668)
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(713): View more from Texas

My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.

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(713): My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs. http://tfl.nu/vmqk

Replies (34) Good night (3353) Bad night (859)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.

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(812): Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was. http://tfl.nu/nuhx

Replies (28) Good night (8818) Bad night (909)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college

(973): View more from New Jersey

she has no idea

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(973): after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college (973): she has no idea http://tfl.nu/zn6b

Replies (25) Good night (5312) Bad night (1205)
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(641): View more from Iowa

is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.

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(641): is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink. http://tfl.nu/upl9

Replies (29) Good night (4892) Bad night (1625)
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(512): View more from Texas

Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.

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(512): Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door. http://tfl.nu/gaii

Replies (9) Good night (1075) Bad night (532)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.

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(302): Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird. http://tfl.nu/awda

Replies (1) Good night (782) Bad night (395)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.

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(401): Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media. http://tfl.nu/q9vk

Replies (6) Good night (522) Bad night (322)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.

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(304): I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/rvlh

Replies (4) Good night (737) Bad night (343)
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(773): View more from Illinois

There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.

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(773): There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church. http://tfl.nu/aslp

Replies (3) Good night (715) Bad night (294)
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(310): View more from California

The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.

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(310): The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place. http://tfl.nu/tgy0

Replies (1) Good night (638) Bad night (286)

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