sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
