I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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