I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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