I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
