If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
