Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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