Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
