We won't sleep together?
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
