if you like me you must not know who I am
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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