my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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