Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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