If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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