2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
