I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
