I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
