He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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