You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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