WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
