You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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