I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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