the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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