Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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