just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
