dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
