hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
