Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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