I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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