so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
