There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
