I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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