Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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