Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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