He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I cut my penus on the lid.
the day after is always just damage control
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
