I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
