I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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